Thursday, April 25, 2013
Musings of a Young Mother
I haven't blogged in a year...two...who's counting? Anyhow, for some reason I just feel compelled to write. It has been a tough day with my kiddos, and sometimes writing helps to clear my head and work through it all. I have always been the kind of person that says what I think (gets me into trouble A LOT) and I am very open about things. I do a lot of reflection in my life and have recently been reflecting on the last 3+ years of being a mother.
Most people say things like, "Being a mother is the best thing that has happened to me." Or, "I just LOVE being a Mom." Etc., etc. I have spent the past 3 years wishing I felt more like that and feel so utterly guilty for not feeling like that. Sure, I love my kids. Do I enjoy being a Mom? Sometimes. Is it all roses and love and wonderful things? Hardly. So I have to wonder, am I the only one who feels like this, or are other Moms just being positive or hiding their true feelings. There is certainly a place for both. I am aware that I am often a negative person and have trouble seeing "the glass half full." Maybe we need to encourage one another more as mothers and help each other out. I have met some wonderful mothers and friends who have done that for me, and it has made a huge difference. I know that not everyone has that. Being a Mom can be so isolating.
To back up, I feel like I have been in a state of grief since giving birth to Levi. A person has died. That person is me. Everything became different the day I became a Mom. My body wasn't (isn't) mine. It has stretch marks. It is flabby. I am slowly finding gray hairs. Eek. When I run or jump or do certain movements, I literally pee myself. I probably could go on and on listing things that are different. The point is, that person I was pre-motherhood is gone, and I miss that person oh so very much. I hate the tired, overweight, unmotivated person that I have become. I am ONLY TWENTY-SEVEN!! Where is the feeling of purpose that I am supposed to feel?
Yes, in the midst of this grief my children do bring me joy. Yes, there is something miraculous about them. For some reason, I just can't get past the grief. Maybe I will never have the answers. Maybe I will always feel like this. I know that life is like this and that I need to come to acceptance of both the joys and the trials that my job as a mother brings. I think it will be a continuous struggle with me. :)
Maybe some others out there feel this way? Maybe (I hope) someone can feel a little less a lone knowing that someone else struggles?
Friday, August 19, 2011
Summer Update
Well, it has been far too long since I have written and my Mom has been getting after me to write, so here it goes.
Since I have written about Levi's development since he was 15 months old, a lot has happened and I know I won't remember it all. Levi is 19 months old now and as busy as ever. His favorite thing to do is climb on EVERYTHING. Nothing is safe and he is constantly falling and tripping. The other day he fell off of his little tykes bike and cut his forehead on cement. Today, he climbed up on the dining room table and shook salt all over the place. The most frustrating thing about him is his extremely curious, mischievous personality, but that is also what I love most about him. He is so funny and so smart. He plays in such creative ways. For example, yesterday evening he wedged his big bouncy ball between the couch and ottoman and preceded to climb on it and bounce up and down while saying, "giddyup." He thought this was hilarious.
Levi is also talking a lot more right now. The last time I counted I got to like 20 words. He is starting to put two words together. He says, "thank you", "more milk," and "no throw." Can you tell I tell him not to throw things a lot? Other words he says: no, more, please, duck, cracker, bonjour, hi/hello, bye/bye bye, book, mouth, nose, ear, eyes, toes, up, down, shoes, turtle, chicken, ball, and he calls his pacifier "bapa." I am sure there are more words but I can't remember them right now.
Levi weighs 26 1bs. 5 oz. (around 50th percentile) and is 33 3/4 inches tall. He is still taller than average. It is hard to believe that he will be 3 ft. tall soon and will turn 2 before we know it! Levi has also been referred to an ENT so that hopefully we can put an end to the constant ear infections with tubes.
Our summer has been spent playing outside and meeting up with friends. We had a wonderful time visiting my parents in Burkina for 2 weeks and then spending a week at the beach with the Hackenbergs. The trip overseas was pretty rough. Levi hardly slept on any of the flights and it was difficult to make him sit still. Plus, we missed a flight on our way over and were stuck in London overnight. Levi loved being in Burkina though, even though he also got sick with a soar throat, congestion and ear infections while we were there. He chased the chickens and loved the food. All of the little African kids loved him and he loved them back. He would go around shaking everyone's hand. The beach was great too. Levi and his cousin Moses played in a big sand pit and in the baby pool. The waves were both fun and frightening for Levi. Levi also loved being with his cousins and kept giving them hugs and kisses.
After all of our busy times and traveling this summer, we are ready for Fall. Pumpkins, cider and cooler weather sound pretty good right now.
Since I have written about Levi's development since he was 15 months old, a lot has happened and I know I won't remember it all. Levi is 19 months old now and as busy as ever. His favorite thing to do is climb on EVERYTHING. Nothing is safe and he is constantly falling and tripping. The other day he fell off of his little tykes bike and cut his forehead on cement. Today, he climbed up on the dining room table and shook salt all over the place. The most frustrating thing about him is his extremely curious, mischievous personality, but that is also what I love most about him. He is so funny and so smart. He plays in such creative ways. For example, yesterday evening he wedged his big bouncy ball between the couch and ottoman and preceded to climb on it and bounce up and down while saying, "giddyup." He thought this was hilarious.
Levi is also talking a lot more right now. The last time I counted I got to like 20 words. He is starting to put two words together. He says, "thank you", "more milk," and "no throw." Can you tell I tell him not to throw things a lot? Other words he says: no, more, please, duck, cracker, bonjour, hi/hello, bye/bye bye, book, mouth, nose, ear, eyes, toes, up, down, shoes, turtle, chicken, ball, and he calls his pacifier "bapa." I am sure there are more words but I can't remember them right now.
Levi weighs 26 1bs. 5 oz. (around 50th percentile) and is 33 3/4 inches tall. He is still taller than average. It is hard to believe that he will be 3 ft. tall soon and will turn 2 before we know it! Levi has also been referred to an ENT so that hopefully we can put an end to the constant ear infections with tubes.
Our summer has been spent playing outside and meeting up with friends. We had a wonderful time visiting my parents in Burkina for 2 weeks and then spending a week at the beach with the Hackenbergs. The trip overseas was pretty rough. Levi hardly slept on any of the flights and it was difficult to make him sit still. Plus, we missed a flight on our way over and were stuck in London overnight. Levi loved being in Burkina though, even though he also got sick with a soar throat, congestion and ear infections while we were there. He chased the chickens and loved the food. All of the little African kids loved him and he loved them back. He would go around shaking everyone's hand. The beach was great too. Levi and his cousin Moses played in a big sand pit and in the baby pool. The waves were both fun and frightening for Levi. Levi also loved being with his cousins and kept giving them hugs and kisses.
After all of our busy times and traveling this summer, we are ready for Fall. Pumpkins, cider and cooler weather sound pretty good right now.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Levi is 15 Months Old!
I have been very bad lately about writing. I guess the business of life with tutoring, activities, etc. has gotten to me!
Levi is so fun to be around these days and of course gets into EVERYTHING! He loves to climb up the stairs at lightening speed and thinks it is so funny. It is time to finally get a gate (something that we have put off for some reason). He is still sweet and cuddly but is mostly just super active! A few weeks ago he took his first (unassisted) steps but hasn't begun walking consistently. He prefers to run around pushing his toys or anything else he can manage to push. I have a cleaner on my hands, which is great! He will find our floor mop and push it around like he is mopping the floor. How he knows to do that, I am not sure so most of the cleaning I do is while he is napping!
As far as words go, Levi now says several: "mama", "Dada," "No," "nose," "Mo (roscoe," "more," and "ball." He is really good at imitating sounds so I think he will take off talking a lot.
Surprisingly, Levi is really tall! When I took him to the doctor the other day he was 32.5 inches long (about 80th percentile) and weighed 24.5 pounds (about 60th percentile)! I am thankful that he has not gotten my short genes. My guess is that he will surpass me in height by the time he is 10 or 11. After all, he is already over half my height now!
Lately we have had a hard time with naps. Levi has difficulty missing a morning nap, but if he does take a morning nap he has trouble sleeping in the afternoon and doesn't seem to sleep in as much. He will often fall asleep in the car for a few minutes when we are out. He usually takes a nap from about 12-3 when he doesn't take a morning nap, which I hope we can extend to 1-4 shortly.
As the weather gets warmer we are having a great time being outside taking walks, blowing bubbles or watching Roscoe run around. I feel that I am enjoying motherhood so much more now that Levi is older. The thought of having another child scares me to death and I don't know how people have kids so close together, but when the time is right hopefully I will feel ready!
Jordan is busy at his job with Great Lakes Cold Logistics, and I am busy not only with being a mom and taking Levi to plagroup and music class and doing housework, but I am also tutoring 6 students right now. It is challenging being away so many weeknights around dinnertime, but it is kind of fun to get out of the house and feel like I am challenging myself more then I am just being home. We are also slowly working on house projects, and it is neat to see what our house looked like when we bought it and what it is looking like now. We only wish we had more time and money to work on it more!
Levi is so fun to be around these days and of course gets into EVERYTHING! He loves to climb up the stairs at lightening speed and thinks it is so funny. It is time to finally get a gate (something that we have put off for some reason). He is still sweet and cuddly but is mostly just super active! A few weeks ago he took his first (unassisted) steps but hasn't begun walking consistently. He prefers to run around pushing his toys or anything else he can manage to push. I have a cleaner on my hands, which is great! He will find our floor mop and push it around like he is mopping the floor. How he knows to do that, I am not sure so most of the cleaning I do is while he is napping!
As far as words go, Levi now says several: "mama", "Dada," "No," "nose," "Mo (roscoe," "more," and "ball." He is really good at imitating sounds so I think he will take off talking a lot.
Surprisingly, Levi is really tall! When I took him to the doctor the other day he was 32.5 inches long (about 80th percentile) and weighed 24.5 pounds (about 60th percentile)! I am thankful that he has not gotten my short genes. My guess is that he will surpass me in height by the time he is 10 or 11. After all, he is already over half my height now!
Lately we have had a hard time with naps. Levi has difficulty missing a morning nap, but if he does take a morning nap he has trouble sleeping in the afternoon and doesn't seem to sleep in as much. He will often fall asleep in the car for a few minutes when we are out. He usually takes a nap from about 12-3 when he doesn't take a morning nap, which I hope we can extend to 1-4 shortly.
As the weather gets warmer we are having a great time being outside taking walks, blowing bubbles or watching Roscoe run around. I feel that I am enjoying motherhood so much more now that Levi is older. The thought of having another child scares me to death and I don't know how people have kids so close together, but when the time is right hopefully I will feel ready!
Jordan is busy at his job with Great Lakes Cold Logistics, and I am busy not only with being a mom and taking Levi to plagroup and music class and doing housework, but I am also tutoring 6 students right now. It is challenging being away so many weeknights around dinnertime, but it is kind of fun to get out of the house and feel like I am challenging myself more then I am just being home. We are also slowly working on house projects, and it is neat to see what our house looked like when we bought it and what it is looking like now. We only wish we had more time and money to work on it more!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The Big 0-1!
It is about time I update my blog! I can't believe over a year has past already since Levi was born! We are so blessed to have him in our lives. It is hard to remember life before Levi.
Well, we had a pretty quiet party for Levi. We just had family and Elizabeth's roommate Laurie. I made a train cake and we all had fun watching Levi eat his first cake! He was so funny to watch and he loved it (especially the icing). :)
Here is what Levi is up to these days:
He is now 31 inches long (90th percentile!) and 22 1bs 13.5 ounces (60th percentile). I can't believe that I am having such a tall child!
Levi is still taking two naps a day (although he sometimes won't sleep in the morning so we might transition out of the morning nap soon). He is still a wonderful sleeper both during the day and at night and still sleeps from about 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.
Levi is starting to talk, which is so fun! He says "mama", "Dada", "no", and "ball." He is very vocal and is showing a little bit of a strong will and temper but is still very easygoing and sweet.
He seems pretty close to walking but I think he lacks the courage to take the first step. He is cruising and will push toys and walk behind them. He will sometimes stand without holding onto anything for a few seconds at a time. Levi's favorite games are to be chased/chase someone, play peeka-a-boo or have someone hide and then say "boo" and scare him. He also likes to move (we took him sledding and he loved that and he loves to be pushed around on things or to be twirled around or thrown in the air). He has a cute little sense of humor and those belly laughs, smiles, and claps are so precious and dear to my heart!
That is all I can think of right now. We are definitely sick of the cold and dreary winter and ready for the warm, sunshine-filled days so we can get outside and play! Hopefully Spring will come early!
Well, we had a pretty quiet party for Levi. We just had family and Elizabeth's roommate Laurie. I made a train cake and we all had fun watching Levi eat his first cake! He was so funny to watch and he loved it (especially the icing). :)
Here is what Levi is up to these days:
He is now 31 inches long (90th percentile!) and 22 1bs 13.5 ounces (60th percentile). I can't believe that I am having such a tall child!
Levi is still taking two naps a day (although he sometimes won't sleep in the morning so we might transition out of the morning nap soon). He is still a wonderful sleeper both during the day and at night and still sleeps from about 7 p.m. to 7 a.m.
Levi is starting to talk, which is so fun! He says "mama", "Dada", "no", and "ball." He is very vocal and is showing a little bit of a strong will and temper but is still very easygoing and sweet.
He seems pretty close to walking but I think he lacks the courage to take the first step. He is cruising and will push toys and walk behind them. He will sometimes stand without holding onto anything for a few seconds at a time. Levi's favorite games are to be chased/chase someone, play peeka-a-boo or have someone hide and then say "boo" and scare him. He also likes to move (we took him sledding and he loved that and he loves to be pushed around on things or to be twirled around or thrown in the air). He has a cute little sense of humor and those belly laughs, smiles, and claps are so precious and dear to my heart!
That is all I can think of right now. We are definitely sick of the cold and dreary winter and ready for the warm, sunshine-filled days so we can get outside and play! Hopefully Spring will come early!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Adventures with Levi
Wow, it has been awhile since I have written. It just goes to show how time flies by so quickly! I feel like an old person saying this, but each year time goes by faster and faster. I remember as a kid thinking that time was just creeping by.
Anyways, Levi is now 11 (almost 11 1/2) months. It is unbelievable to me that in less than a month I will have a toddler. He already seems like more of a toddler than a baby. Sadly, my baby does not like to be held and cuddled any longer. He is displaying more of a temper and will kick and fuss when you change his diaper or take something away from him that he wants. He is still a very happy, sweet child though. Levi's latest skill (which he acquired about 2 weeks ago) is pulling himself up. I thought he would never learn this and foolishly worried about it and was frustrated at him for not being "advanced." Reflecting upon my attitude, I feel horrible, because I know that he will learn things in his own time and I need to love him for who he is. He is now getting into all kinds of things because of this newly acquired skill. Today, for example, he pulled down our sugar canister which caused some of the contents to spill and he sat in the pile of sugar happily eating it. Levi and Roscoe now have more and more fun together as well. A few days ago I found them sitting at opposite ends of the kitchen each chewing on a banana peel that they had managed to retrieve from the garbage can. Life has gotten busier, but it is good. I guess I finished my Master's Degree just in time,as I have less time to work on homework now that Levi is so mobile and inquisitive. Another new development is that Levi's top two teeth finally came through. He now has a total of 4 teeth. I am guessing him to be about 23 pounds, but we will see at his one year appointment in a month.
As for me and Jordan, we are busy getting ready for Elizabeth and Daniel and Jodi to come for Christmas.We are excited that we have our own home and can have people over! Our kitchen is finished and we have been working on other small projects as well. We will also be having some friends come for New Year's which is also exciting, followed by Levi's first birthday party on the 15th of January. It is a busy, but exciting time! Jordan's job is going pretty well and I now have 3 kids that I tutor, which I enjoy and is also going well. I have a four year old, a third grader, and a fifth grader so it is nice to have a variety and I am able to keep my teaching skills sharp.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Levi at 9 months
Well, Levi's monthly update is a couple of weeks late since his doctor's appointment was a couple of weeks late. Levi is now 29 1/2 inches long and 21 pounds! He had to get a Hepatitis B shot today but everything else with the appointment went great. Thankfully the ear infections he had when we went to Georgia are gone!
Levi is crawling all over the place at a fast speed and starting to try to pull himself up, although he doesn't get further than his knees. He gets into EVERYTHING and doesn't care at all about his toys, which makes entertaining him kind of difficult. I try to take him outside for a walk almost every day for something to do. Sometimes we stop at this little park by our house and I put him in the swing. He loves it! He just laughs and laughs.Levi is such an agreeable, lovable, and happy baby (although I know I am biased). :) His facial expressions are hilarious and he has a variety of them. Levi has mastered waving at people and he has also started to imitate noises we make sometimes. He has this book with sheep and when I say "baaaa" he will say it back! As far as teeth go, Levi only has his bottom 2 teeth, but I think the top 2 are on their way.
He still takes 2 naps a day (about 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. in the morning and btwn. 2-3 hrs. in the afternnoon). Lately his naps have been less predictable with him being sick and us traveling so much during the month of October.He still sleeps about 12 hrs. a night too! Some nights he wakes up early in the morning and we have to get him back to sleep,but the past few nights he hasn't done that so hopefully he will continue to sleep until morning without waking up. He also has bad dreams sometimes where he will cry during his sleep and we will go comfort him and he will stay asleep the whole time. It is so weird and so sad!
We love our little boy so much and can't believe how fast he is growing up! He makes us laugh and smile all day.
Levi is crawling all over the place at a fast speed and starting to try to pull himself up, although he doesn't get further than his knees. He gets into EVERYTHING and doesn't care at all about his toys, which makes entertaining him kind of difficult. I try to take him outside for a walk almost every day for something to do. Sometimes we stop at this little park by our house and I put him in the swing. He loves it! He just laughs and laughs.Levi is such an agreeable, lovable, and happy baby (although I know I am biased). :) His facial expressions are hilarious and he has a variety of them. Levi has mastered waving at people and he has also started to imitate noises we make sometimes. He has this book with sheep and when I say "baaaa" he will say it back! As far as teeth go, Levi only has his bottom 2 teeth, but I think the top 2 are on their way.
He still takes 2 naps a day (about 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. in the morning and btwn. 2-3 hrs. in the afternnoon). Lately his naps have been less predictable with him being sick and us traveling so much during the month of October.He still sleeps about 12 hrs. a night too! Some nights he wakes up early in the morning and we have to get him back to sleep,but the past few nights he hasn't done that so hopefully he will continue to sleep until morning without waking up. He also has bad dreams sometimes where he will cry during his sleep and we will go comfort him and he will stay asleep the whole time. It is so weird and so sad!
We love our little boy so much and can't believe how fast he is growing up! He makes us laugh and smile all day.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
blah
Yeah, budgeting= major failure. You can't really make a budget when you don't earn enough money to cover all of your fixed expenses. I guess I have to find another job in addition to my tutoring. Not sure how all of this is going to work out. NOT a happy camper.
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